Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Reaching the Peak - 54 Minutes Of Flow

My legs feel relaxed as I drop out of the woods into the car park and on to the main street; the rhythm destroying transition from steep roots to flat asphalt not affecting me like in the previous three years. Hitting the seafront I involuntarily punch the air as drivers beep their approval and the gathered crowd clap and cheer.  Needlessly I hurdle a sign on the pavement before cruising through the finish line and releasing a guttural roar, pure emotion cascading out.  I'm not in control of my actions, the essential link between brain and body is somehow removed, a severing that took place sometime prior to the race and remained missing throughout.  I've smashed a course record that seemed previously untouchable and it felt painless, almost effortless.  I feel that I may have discovered the most elusive of sporting qualities, the concept of flow, and it feels incredible!

I have a love/love relationship with Slieve Donard, Northern Ireland's highest peak.  Rising 853 metres directly out of the striking coastline of Newcastle, County Down it has provided me with some of my most satisfying athletic achievements.  Last year I completed a 3hr 25min Donard Hat-Trick as an extreme training exercise in preparation for the World Running Champs in mountainous Colorado.  This year I completed a different kind of Donard hat-trick, winning Ireland's oldest and most prestigious mountain race for the third consecutive year.  It's the peak that initially inspired my interest in fell running when I read about the exploits of superhuman athletes who could somehow reach its distant summit and return in under an hour.  Now I can count myself amongst that elite group, a triumph of hard work and self belief over age and inexperience.

My first attempt at the Slieve Donard race was back in 2012, two years after Stevie Cunningham tore up the record books with a blistering 54:33 winning time.  I ran pretty well for a newcomer, finishing 7th in 1:00:46 but it was a result that brought more frustration than satisfaction.  Position mattered little to me as I never considered that I'd be a contender for honours but I badly wanted to break the hour.  The worst aspect of this was the knowledge that I'd be compelled to return the following year and go through the sheer agony of dragging myself over the steep and treacherous ground once again. So twelve months on I returned fitter, wiser and with better technique, aiming purely to knock 47 seconds off my time, thus allowing me to retire from competition happy in the knowledge that I could do 'the hour'.  That year saw a mini blizzard decimate the lead group high on the slopes and I found myself alone out front. The shock of winning took literally weeks to sink in.  My name was on the trophy with a 57:01 and some kind folk were even suggesting that I could've troubled the course record if conditions had been slightly less ridiculous for a mid-May day.

With that optimistic inspiration in mind I returned the following year with the sole goal of beating Cunningham's mark.  A weaker field left the result in little doubt.  I'd continued to improve rapidly in the sport and my closest rivals were away with the International squad so it was mainly the fast time that I sought.  I buried myself on the climb, summitting in 38:42 but my legs were hollowed out and I limped down, collapsing over the line incredibly in an identical 57:01.  I never considered it possible that I'd win the Slieve Donard race and be left disappointed but in truth I felt none of the buzz of my previous totally unexpected victory.  My ambitions had shifted and I'd fallen way short of the 55 minute times that characterised the wins of the top previous champions.

Apparently pushing the pace from the start!
And so to 2015 and an anticipated epic head to head with the most exciting prospect that Irish mountain running has seen in a long time.  My friend and occasional training partner Seamus Lynch has propelled himself to the top of the elite pile this year.  He's served his apprenticeship over previous seasons and pushed me to new levels in 2014 in my desperate attempts to keep ahead of him.  After a Winter that demonstrated both his improving speed and widening versatility, victorious in Cross Country races as well as 10k's, he's crushed everyone in the hills so far this season, winning everything that he's entered.  The knowledge that he's never beaten me on an open mountain race kept me confident but although the official pundits had us as joint favourites I knew that the majority fancied Lynch for the win.  My preparation generally went excellently and even a flare up of a stomach ulcer three weeks before the race allowed some enforced recovery time which ended up as a positive.  Nine days before Donard I achieved a long held ambition of taking the title on the brutal 'Binnian to the Top' race on a route that climbs a tortuous 2,000ft in just two miles.  It holds both special importance for me as venue for my first ever fell race and also special frustration after three consecutive second places! Following that success every session went as planned and I maintained firm self control to drop a few extra pounds to keep my weight to an absolute healthy minimum. With every quality session my self belief grew.  It's hard to explain but my psychological strength grows very gradually, day by day, with every strong training performance and every day of minimising unnecessary calorific intake. When asked by others I maintained my line that a sub-55 minute time was my only ambition but with a week to go I began to re-frame my objectives.  I could feel something special brewing.  As ever I visualised every inch of the race, playing out possible permutations in my mind.  What to do if I find myself behind, how to react if I'm alone out front, when to attack, what lines to take.  It sounds like overkill but these races are won as much in the mind as the legs.  A single thought kept returning to my mind and that was the commentary of race chief Joe McCann as I ran the home straight to win and then his shocked proclamation that I'd beaten the record.  This theme dominated my thoughts, a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Race day was simply perfect.  An early morning jog felt good with the pain of recent Plantar Fasciitis in my heel flaring less than expected.  My kids were really placid, minimising race day stress and as I drove to Newcastle I felt an excitement devoid of the usual nauseating nervousness.  I managed to secure the last parking place right next to the start area and was signed on and registered with ninety minutes to spare.  And that's when strange feelings started occurring.  With time to kill I went to visit my wife Anna at work for a chat and as I did I became aware of a total calm, all nerves dissipating and anticipation disappearing.  The best way to describe it is that time was no longer relevant. Instead of the usual longing for the event to be over so I could release the pent up tension, I felt that I wasn't even sure that the race hadn't happened already.  Reading that back sounds ridiculous but it was genuinely how it felt.  Most people have heard of being 'in the zone', a state of intense focus on a singular goal but this went beyond that to a state where the goal was no longer tangible.  I felt almost absent, out of body as we lined up and the whistle sounded.
Leading out towards the open mountain
I went easy down the road, legs moving without cerebral input and breathing barely registering.  It's only seeing the photos afterwards that I've realised that I opened up a lead on this section, shaping the fast end of the race into the kind of arrow you see when the pace is high.  The lower forested sections of the course are steep and heavily rooted but my feet found their way instinctively and I pressed on, still feeling remarkably comfortable and waiting to be passed allowing someone else to dictate the pace.  Crossing the river on to the open mountain I continued to move smoothly up to the famous 'black stairs' a rocky outcrop that runners pick their way through with varying degrees of caution or abandon.  It was at this ridiculously steep section that I noticed a gap opening back to Seamus, only a small one but on ground that wild in gradient even a few feet is enough to constitute a breakaway. Under normal circumstances I might've been tempted to accelerate and try to open a potentially race winning gap but my tactical mind was firmly overcome by the overwhelming calmness.  As I pushed on up the open moorland I maintained the rhythm, lacking both the usual muscular pain and also missing the common leader's sense of feeling hunted by the 200 hungry runners behind.  I never look behind me when I race, it serves no function but the temptation is often overwhelming.  On Saturday it seemed irrelevant, if Seamus was back on my shoulder I wasn't concerned and when I moved out right to gain better, more runnable ground I expected Seamy to appear on my left taking his usual aggressive direct lines.
The masses hit the Black Stairs
I topped out in exactly 37 minutes.  My previous fastest ascent was 36:45 on my return from the Worlds last year when I was benefitting from some time spent running at high altitude.  However, that time didn't include the two road minutes of the race route so by that reckoning I'd just done the climb in 35 minutes!  Between the Northerly summit cairn and the actual summit cairn is fairly flat and it's essential to sprint this section on the way up to maximise any gaps on chasers.  A friend on the summit has assured me that I looked in a fair degree of pain as I fought the vicious headwind and turned to descend but inside my head the calm remained.  A heavily folded ankle simply sprang back into place and I dropped my head and sprinted as I passed Seamus still finishing his upward journey. I could see that I had a gap but I know that Lynch is an incredible descender, just the right combination of nerve and technique and I knew that he'd be dropping like a man possessed, whittling away my lead.  As I passed numerous ascending runners I was aware of a strange sense of enjoyment that I've never experienced on that technical, ankle straining plummet before.  I was also aware of at least four people saying 'go on Seamus' to me, unsurprised to see a flash of red Newcastle AC running kit but not aware that it was hanging off my back and not his.

My pre-race visualisation had always included a mantra that stated if I was leading as I crossed the river then the race would be mine.  I'm so familiar with the bottom section and it seems to favour my slightly skinnier and shorter body as we weave through trees and jump through slippery rocks and roots at full speed.  The auto pilot continued to guide me off the final steep section, leaping the ditch and hitting the car park where this blog began.

Coming back from the mountain alone
The finish straight was met with an overwhelming euphoria.  Yes I pumped my fist in the air, yes I pointed at the crowds, yes I hurdled that sign and yes I screamed out loud as I crossed the line.  But no, none of those actions were planned or even conscious.  The disconnect remained, mind and body working harmoniously but independently.

I've been told I looked fresh at the finish.  I certainly felt fresh.  Adrenaline, endorphins, pure delight, who knows what was in control of my mental faculties, but physically I felt good for another lap.  I bounced from handshake to hug and was vaguely conscious of Joe McCann announcing the new record.  On the one hand it was a huge shock as all the way up I'd been telling myself I'd better start putting some effort in if I wanted a decent time.  On the other hand it was no shock at all, I'd already heard him announce it tens of times before in my head the week before the race.

Reading this back I'm aware that it could be seen as disrespectful, claiming that the biggest performance of my life was actually pretty effortless whilst others were burying themselves behind.  I haven't written this blog to boast.  I'm actually trying to find some kind of explanation for myself, if only so I can replicate that performance again someday.  Another bizarre happening in the run up to the race is that I couldn't get an image of Pete Bland out of my head from the photos in Richard Askwith's brilliant 'Feet In The Clouds' homage to all things fell running.  Bland is leaping in the air in total ecstacy after finally winning the Ambleside race in 1968.  He was quoted as saying 'it was like being in a dream - I had no pain'.  All I know is that I now understand what he meant.

Pete Bland after Ambleside 1968 (wearing kit borrowed off Barney Rubble?)
And so to the facts and figures.  I finished in 53:45, slicing 48 seconds off the previous 'modern day' record that involves the four minutes plus of road running to and from the mountain proper.  The previous record for 'just' the mountain was 50:30 held by Ian Holmes, a man sometimes described as 'the greatest fell runner of all time'.  My mountain time was definitely faster than that and I'd confidently, if totally speculatively go so far as to say that I may be the only person in history to run the mountain in less than 50 minutes.  Other genuine greats have also been surpassed including Irish athletic legend, World Championship medallist and all time Snowdon ascent record holder Robbie Bryson who's fastest win was 52:28 in 1999 and nine time Donard winner Deon McNeilly who's 1998 personal best stands at 55:08, neither including the road.

Let me state this in clear, unquestionable terms.  I'm not suggesting for one minute that my abilities are on par with those legends of the sport.  I've undoubtedly now made my mark but those men won all the big races in many record times that have stood for decades and may well stand for all time. What I have done is helped prove that there is a new generation of Mournes based runners who will hopefully be viewed in the same league as those few (and there are others I've not mentioned).  I've also moved my psychological goalposts and now believe that I can compete in the biggest races.  I dearly hope that I'll get one last run out for the NI squad at the Snowdon International race and I'll attack it without fear.  Likewise, with an entry for Ben Nevis and the World Masters taking place in North Wales I may well be looking for a blaze of glory end to my running career!

I've stated my desire to stop competing on numerous occasions.  The pressure I put on myself to achieve can be debilitating and effects my health, my mental state and those around me who have to put up with my moods and singular focus. Unfortunately I can't compete purely for enjoyment, and the quest for results sometimes hinders my appreciation of the pure joys of being able to get amongst the peaks at will, moving at speed and appreciating the connection between man and nature.  It's a sad affliction but one that I have to accept.  I just wonder whether having had a brief glimpse of that unique mental and physical state which I've best heard described as 'flow' will leave me happy to stop, content in the knowledge that I once reached that level or will it leave me forever chasing the unique set of circumstances that generated it in the first place.

Only time will tell but in the meantime I'm just enjoying these memories...

Tuesday, 12 May 2015

The Energy Crisis - Killing the Kids

A while back I flicked on to TG4 (the Irish language channel) in time to see some slickly shot 'extreme sports' footage that caused me to pause a touch longer than usual.  The skills on show by the riders were astounding, from FMX to MTB to Snowsports, numerous athletes were putting their arses well and truly on the line to pull a trick that would gain them a few brief seconds of TV coverage. Whilst marvelling at the unique range of abilities, I couldn't help instantly noticing that the whole show was like watching a super-extended Red Bull advert.  A double back flip on a motocross bike got maybe ten seconds of footage with a full speed and a slow-mo but then the lingering view of the rider with the focus almost completely on the branding on his full face helmet got double that.  Up next, a skier in a Red Bull skinsuit, oh, and look, there's that Felix Bumgardener dude doing his big skydive thing from a Red Bull capsule.  I started to get pretty perturbed by this advertising bombardment but was intrigued enough to watch to the end to see what the story was and sure enough at the end of the credits was this; 'Xtreme Sports – Best of Yoz.  Red Bull media house'.

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but TG4 is a partially state funded channel with a remit of promoting the Irish language and culture, not an advertising platform for an 'energy' product (more on that later). I realise that programming is expensive and there aren't that many Irish language TV production companies or indeed Irish speakers around to fill a schedule.  However, at what point did it become acceptable to allow this degree of subliminal marketing to masquerade as a legitimate programme, especially one that is clearly targeted at the youth market?

And herein lies my dilemma.  Red Bull, and latterly Monster have clearly ploughed ££££'s into the sport that I love alongside many other sports that have shifted distinctly towards the mainstream whilst funded by the gloopy drinks companies and their slick media operations.  In turn, this has undeniably allowed more full time athletes to pursue their goals, pushing the standards of skills to previously unimaginable levels.  Beyond that, Red Bull have been central to the development and sponsorship of a plethora of events that would otherwise never have been conceived.  The question is, at what cost?
They undeniably support events and make cool stuff happen.
 Sorry, couldn't find a credit for this pic.  Contact me if it's yours.
Back when I started riding MTB it was a very different animal.  Now I'm not claiming that it's in any way 'cool' now but at least it's got a recognisable and largely positively regarded image.  We've come a long way from the days of riding circles round muddy fields in full lycra with 500mm bars and bar ends.  Skills and mindsets have changed rapidly and technology has had to constantly adapt to keep up as the boundaries of possibility have been blown off the scale again.  If you'd told me as a sixteen year old that within 20 years there would be people backflipping 70+ foot canyons on MTB's I'd obviously not have believed you.  Back then pulling a five foot huck to flat was about the pinnacle of radness!  And it has to be said that, credit where credit's due, the driving force (cash and vision) behind these phenomenal advances can be traced back to the original Red Bull Rampage.  If you don't know what it is then YouTube it but basically it represented a seismic shift in what was conceivable on a bike with maniacs like Robbie Bourdon and Wade Simmons (and our own Glyn O'Brien) hurling themselves off huge cliffs in a space like Utah desertscape.  So Red Bull can claim to have advanced MTB (and other sports) and also maintained them through event development, mainstream marketing and individual sponsorship deals.  So where's the catch?

The catch is that the product itself is so harmful and it's being deliberately targeted at a youth market who are the last people who should need artificial stimulants to be consumed as a norm on a daily basis.  Now I'm not definitely claiming it's inherently dangerous (although let's not forget that for several years it was banned in France, Denmark and Norway and evidence is mounting that it is potentially lethal), what I'm saying is that it's totally unnecessary, particularly for kids.  Here's a couple of tales from my experience.

Back in my student days Red Bull was just appearing and we quickly realised that alongside Vodka it made a potent mix with pretty enjoyable effects (more for us than for anyone near us!).  Back then I was already big into my training albeit with virtually zero knowledge of proper nutrition.  Following my selection as the University MTB team captain I decided to go all out for results at the National Champs and stay off the booze for a whole term!  Of course I didn't go out any less, I just drank this new Red Bull stuff which gave me the energy to keep on clubbing.  And then my form began to slump.  Funnily enough, the inability to sleep, the battering of my Cortisol levels and the peaks and troughs in energy weren't conducive to physical performance and in fact my training results after a few cans of Red Bull were worse than after nine pints of Tetleys and a dodgy spring roll. Experiential learning duly noted, I vowed to stay off the Red Bull anywhere near race time.

A few years later in my formative years as an Outdoor Professional I was working with a group of teenagers doing the standard range of 'team tasks' that blight the burgeoning careers of semi-qualified young instructors!  The group were a nice bunch of kids and were actually pretty engaged in the activities.. until after lunch.  During the break, one of the lads drank a litre bottle of Boost (cheapy Red Bull) and for want of a better phrase turned into a total dick.  In fact he became so disruptive that it was really difficult to keep them all functioning as a group at all.  Prior to that he'd been fine and unless someone had laced his Tayto's with amphetamine I can only assume that it was the drink that had brought about this complete personality transformation.  I can only wonder what teachers make of the substances.

So who the hell am I to question people's lifestyle choices?  Well nobody really except I'm perfectly within my rights to be concerned.  I'm also pretty sure that from a nutritional standpoint these so called 'energy drinks' are actually a rapid way to ensure huge fluctuations in energy levels, problems with attaining proper sleep patterns and all the associated physical and mental health issues that subsequently arise.  Is there really any difference between Gee Atherton having Red Bull adverts all over his kit to him having Marlboro ones?  What would the reaction be if Sam Hill sat on the hot seat and nervously chain smoked instead of supping from a can of Monster (and really, are we meant to believe that athletes of that calibre are actually drinking that shit?).  I'm not alone in these concerns either.  Pro snowboarders Bryan Fox and Austin Smith actually started a 'drink water' campaign in 2011 as a direct reaction to Smith being offered a lucrative deal from one of the drinks companies. They felt that as role models who kids aspire to be like, they should be sending a positive message of health, and we're not talking Volvic here, their logo is simply a tap.
Fair play to these lads turning down the cash and sticking up two fingers to the corporations.
Sorry, couldn't find a credit for this pic.  Contact me if it's yours.
So what am I saying?  Personally I think that all these energy drinks (and all fizzy drinks really) shouldn't be on sale to under 18's and should have hefty limitations on marketing, just like cigarettes. The links to all sorts of nasty illnesses, from the obvious diabetes and heart conditions to less obvious mental health issues have been documented many many times over.  Latterly, something much more instant and terrifying has come to light as the correlation between 'energy drinks' and the spate of sudden deaths amongst seemingly healthy young people have been further researched (check this out and there's loads more too).

The money and likewise the innovation that Red Bull bring into sport have undeniably assisted athletes but it's such a shame that those talented individuals have to push a harmful substance on to a vulnerable consumer group in order to pay their bills.  I'm sure some of them don't care one bit what they have to sell their soul for in order to buy shiny new crap but it's heartening to see that a few others do place their social conscience beyond economic factors.  If their actions can persuade just a few of the kids I see slugging that syrup at bus stops on the way to school to stop and think about the physical effects then they've done a worthwhile job.

Wednesday, 1 April 2015

Mind Games 2 - But the flesh was weak...

Kevin Carr stumbled into the Clonakilty Hotel at 9:40pm on Monday March 16th.  He'd been on his feet for fourteen hours and run over fifty miles.  He looked understandably exhausted, older than when I last saw him, dishevelled and stressed.   I looked him in the eyes.  Bloodshot and glazed with the proverbial thousand yard stare and a look nearing delirium, the day's exertions had clearly taken a heavy toll, not to mention the previous six hundred.

Fast forward seven days and I was dropping a seemingly different Kev at Newry bus station, on the exact spot to the centimetre that he'd stopped his GPS trackers the previous evening.  Looking stronger, more relaxed but with the same steely focus, he jogged off towards Belfast and the end of his brief Irish odyssey.  This is an account of my fleeting role in one of the most remarkable athletic feats in human history, one that astounds me even more for having had a glimpse at the true magnitude of it and one that took me closer to my own personal limits than I'd ever have imagined.

I've explained my relationship with Kev and the reasons he undertook his epic World run in the previous blog.  To briefly summarise, we're old school friends who lost touch for a decade and having regained contact realised that we're both lovers of running, pushing our own physical limits and both sufferers of mental health issues.  I got counselling, Kev ran round the World!

The actual process of running with Kev never really occurred to me until the evening before I left for South West Cork to join him.  Over the previous couple of years we'd kept in touch as he paced around the globe and I'd always intended to join him for the Irish leg without stopping to consider what that would actually entail.  I'm a mountain runner and my strengths and interests lie in running up and down steep, wildly uneven ground as fast as possible.  I actively eschew the road, finding that the tedium and joint pain far outweigh the available endorphins so what was I possibly thinking?  The truth is that I wasn't!  The romantic image of being involved in a truly inspirational challenge along with an old mate had blinded my judgement and even when I realised the immense daily mileage required I blocked out the implications.  As I worked out the logistics of an epic bus journey and threw together some kit it simultaneously dawned on me that not only was I intending to run beyond double my previous maximum daily mileage but I was planning to do it for three consecutive days! The fear of realising what I'd signed up for hit me like a train and I wanted badly to back out but knew that it was by no means an option.  Grabbing my least knackered pair of trail shoes I then grabbed a fitful nights sleep.

The next day began with a frantic series of phone calls that culminated in a very bemused looking taxi driver carrying a pair of Inov8 shoes around the bus station having just sped down from Belfast to Newry via a local stockist.  As an Inov8 sponsored athlete Kev has had a choice of footwear that have been delivered to him throughout the run.  Unfortunately, having recently changed shoe and binned the old ones, he'd suffered a torrid two days between Shannon and Kenmare struggling to adapt to an unfamiliar model.  The result was a race against time that we won by a whisker thanks to a man who left me with the words 'you may have a couple of fines to pick up!'

The eight hour bus journey passed without incident as I enjoyed the rare experience of being able to stuff as much food into me as possible, safe in the knowledge that it'd all get burned the following day.  The bus pulled into Clonakilty at 8pm and I strolled the quaint main street which was all prepped for the big St. Patrick's day parade the following day. I half wished that we'd be able to stay for the festivities!  Then, having explained at the desk that I'm not that fella who's running around the world (they were anticipating Kev's arrival) I settled in and waited for him.

I don't really know what I was expecting.  I've been in intermittent contact with him throughout the run and so I knew the difficulties he faced not just in terms of the physical aspects but also the emotional stress of continually moving, never stopping unless forced to.  However, I don't think I was prepared for how utterly demanding day to day life has become for him.  In terms of the hierarchy of his fundamental needs following that day's efforts, food and sleep should've been the only priorities. Unfortunately he had to precede that by updating GPS trackers, charging multiple essential bits of equipment and checking his physical state.  The failure to undertake any of these tasks could critically delay departure the following morning and with an intended schedule that will incredibly see him shave just two days off the existing record there's no margin for error.  He never intended to finish the run with a month of back-to-back fifty mile days but sickness, bureaucracy and horrendous luck with the weather have slowly eroded his margin for error.  The result has been a gradual increase in the required daily mileage which he said wasn't too daunting with six months remaining but now requires superhuman daily efforts.  We eventually got to sleep at 11:30 with a 5:30am alarm set.

The next morning I wolfed down a couple of bananas, excited at the prospect of running 50+ miles but understandably apprehensive.  Above all I didn't want to be a hindrance to Kev.  He's run alone for so long now and I felt that possibly my presence could upset subtle balances and routines.  I remembered reading that Mark Cavendish actively avoided socialising when nearing the conclusion of his round the world cycling record attempt as he was mentally set so hard in his routine.  Kev allayed my worries by saying that the company would be a good boost and so I felt a bit more comfortable as we started the tracker and jogged out into a dewy early dawn.
Definitely a grimace
What followed has already become a blur in my memory, the brain has an inherent ability to blank out painful experiences, but I remember some aspects clearly.

1) There was no pace that we could comfortably share.  Kev has fine tuned a perma-pace, one that is incredibly efficient and low impact and designed for travelling immense distances but it's not fast. He's also a few inches shorter than me and so whatever I did, I found myself pulling ahead.  I knew that this would bite me in the arse sometime but I had to adapt and adopt a shuffling half step.  It felt uncomfortable and unnatural but it kept us within talking distance.

2) Kev was suffering.  I mean really suffering.  He was gritting his teeth and pushing on but I'd estimate that most people wouldn't consider leaving their beds in his physical state.  He'd been too sick to eat any breakfast, his digestive system was in turmoil and he repeatedly had to stop to dry heave, attempting to expel non-existent stomach contents.  He explained to me that he's actually changed the shape of his bite through 19 months of gritting his teeth and muscle wastage on his legs has diminished his quad muscles to a smaller circumference than his calves!  Anyone expecting to encounter a fine specimen of athleticism would be astounded.  His run has been physically debilitating on a scale that I'd never anticipated.  Pushing bodily limitations is something I'm familiar with but enforced suffering on this scale is definitely at the outer reaches of my comprehension.  We celebrated when Kev reluctantly forced down a couple of jelly babies and marked it as a sign of improvement but he later admitted that it was the worst he'd felt in the whole challenge!

We pushed on to Bandon through quintessentially rolling Irish countryside, the early morning darkness retreating and the first tickles of warmth indicating a fine day to come.  A conversation in a garage encapsulated for me how incomprehensible the scale of the world run is.  The girls there raised eyebrows as we briefly explained where Kev has been but they were more impressed by the evidently more tangible fact that we'd come from Clonakilty on foot that morning.

3)  We looked far from athletes!  I was wearing my Ireland athletics singlet to mark Paddy's day and also I must admit, to show others that I'm an international team runner.  However, at our pace we looked like a couple of lads sloping back from a heavy night out.  Kev had put his donated Eircom hi-vis jacket over his backpack so with his stubble, cracked lips, yellow jacket and baggy waterproof trousers there was no indication that he wasn't an out of shape electricity worker.  We managed to laugh at the fact that we probably couldn't catch the woman on the other side of the road who was out for an early morning jog/shuffle but it's a pride denter that Kev has had to learn to live with.

As we passed the 26 mile mark I rewarded myself and stretched my legs for a couple of miles. Running on ahead in the sunshine allowed me some time to pause and watch a local horse show replete with Father Ted'esque commentary on the speakers.  Kev had perked up and managed to hoover down some sugar laden snacks at the next garage.  Buoyed by his improving state we continued on, the comfortable temperature and easy company coupled with quiet roads and pleasant scenery making the experience pretty bearable.

4)  Traffic never ceases to be terrifying.  The Irish drivers were actually very conscientious, often indicating and moving well wide of us as we picked our way up a shoulder-less road that was carrying an unexpected volume of vehicles.  Kev filled me in on just some of the shocking occurrences that have befallen him through the run, exacerbated by the width of the stroller that he was pushing for the majority of the route.  He described crazy overtaking, being forced into walls and towards huge drops with nowhere to move to on roads that were never designed for non-motorised transport.  Multiplied by his reactions being dulled by fatigue, poor visibility, terrible drivers, drunk drivers, drugged drivers and more, it's a small miracle that Kev has only been run over once.  My brain was rapidly tiring and as often happens when under stress, emotion came to the fore.  I was genuinely scared and thoughts of my family were prevalent.  The pointlessness of my involvement in this venture coupled with the ever present danger actually made me angry at myself.  At least Kev is undertaking a life changing, never before achieved, multiple record breaking challenge.  What was I actually gaining?  A chance to (possibly) help a mate and run some ultramarathons to simply entertain myself.  Was it worth risking my life for?  I longed for the openness of the mountains and realised how much my love of running is tied into nature and the surroundings.
A fake smile in Cork
The road into Cork demonstrated to me one of the unavoidable pitfalls of the run.  Kev's online maps told him to proceed on the main Cork to Waterford road, bypassing the city.  Greeted by a four lane motorway, we clearly had to seek an alternative, legal route.  This meant an about turn that added an overall 1.2km.  The rules of the world run state that no distance re-covered can be counted, an eternal annoyance for Kev but one designed to stop anyone completing the required 26,000km on a running track before briefly visiting four other continents to meet that second criteria.  There have been thousands of occasions where Kev has had to strike off distances travelled, sometimes just the hundred metres to a nearby garage and back but equally sometimes multiple km as a result of poor or non-existent mapping of areas.  A conservative estimate would be that Kev has run at least 300 miles further than his official stats state.

5)  Emotional tiredness is at least as debilitating as physical tiredness.  Losing that 1.2km hit me hard and I cut a miserable figure amongst the thousands of revellers enjoying the bank holiday in the vibrant city centre.  I asked Kev about this aspect of the challenge, the draining effects of never knowing where he'd sleep that night, not knowing if he could find sufficient food and water, the traffic and a myriad of unknown dangers.  He said that the constant threat of Grizzly Bears throughout Canada was by far the most draining fear, ruining sleep patterns and leaving him on a constant state of alert that battered his Cortisol levels resulting in an unbreakable mental turmoil.  I was beginning to understand the root cause of that thousand yard stare.  This run has to be viewed as being akin to military combat with Kev genuinely feeling that he was under mortal threat for much of it.  The aforementioned traffic and bears, gun toting locals with an aversion to campers, extreme weather (and he's faced some unbelievably shit weather), sickness, lack of safe food and enough liquids, the list goes on.  All of which have conspired to generate untold levels of additional stress.

Leaving Cork we had our only stop in the whole day.  Worried by the '10 year old boy' look of Kev's shrunken quads I was seeking protein and calories, lots of them!  I put away some Southern fried chicken breast and a few sandwiches whilst Kev got some distance between us.  Feeling fuelled for the first time since the morning I vaguely enjoyed playing catch up, overhauling Kev a couple of miles up the road.  Pretty much from this point it rapidly lost any fun.

I was anticipating, and even relishing the point where my body would tell me to wise up and stop moving. This is where the mental fortitude kicks in and you just have to dig deeper and deeper to get what you want.  The subsequent non-stop, mostly straight fifteen miles in fading light tested me to somewhere near my mental edge.  My feet were hurting, both hips giving me abuse and the boredom was preventing any thoughts other than my current predicament forcing their way in.  I longed for the end of the day as the kilometres ticked by agonisingly slowly.  Eventually we reached another garage where caffeine was consumed and we limped on towards Castlemartyr, hopefully our destination for the day.

I say hopefully because we still didn't know for sure where we were sleeping that night.  Someone had kindly promised to donate us a free hotel room but the hotel was about five miles further than we wanted to go that day.  A tiny amount in normal terms, but at the end of that day it would equate to another hour and a half less sleep that night, not an option!  Finding accommodation is another difficult facet of Kev's challenge.  In many places he's camped but even this has proven extremely arduous in countries where the bears (Canada), prevalence of guns and private land (USA), overpopulation (India) and weather (everywhere) have made suitable spots hard to locate.  Add to this the fact that I'm a softie these days and neither of us were in the mood for lying in a ditch that night and we needed to get something sorted.  Hotel manager Milo came to the rescue, not only picking us up but feeding us and dropping us off the following morning, a true gentleman and running enthusiast himself.

We laughed at my rapid physical destruction as I barely scraped up the stairs to the two apartments we'd been given.  I was delighted to be finished for the day and pleased at how my body and mind had aquitted themselves running my first ever ultramarathon.  I glugged down some strawberry milk, read about one page of my book and slept through til 05:30.

The next morning I felt remarkably sprightly as we packed up and headed out.  Luckily we were able to start the day without packs as we'd be running back to the hotel from our previous night's endpoint. Milo dropped us back in the Castlemartyr village and I tried to warm up in the sub-zero dawn as Kev updated his tracker messages.  We walked the first mile to give our bodies a chance to get acclimatised to moving again and then broke into a jog.  That's when the real problems started.  I was getting a really sharp pain in the front of my left ankle coupled with one in the back of my left knee. Kev advised me to walk it off and hope that it eased and fortunately after fifteen minutes I was able to break into a relatively pain free run.  We covered the 14km back to the hotel in an ambling two hours; little did I know that my average speed wouldn't hit those heights again.

Having stuffed in a few croissants and lamented the way that static minutes seemed to fly by we stepped out on to the beach and another beautiful morning.  This should've been a high point but I was suffering badly, the time spent seated had done me no favours and the pains were back with a vengeance.  Several times I attempted to up the pace but the pain was excruciating.  It dawned on me that I'd be walking from here on in.  The mental arithmetic started immediately; maximum average pace around 6km per hour and 66km still to cover, it was going to be a tough day.  Leaving Youghal, Kev was kind enough to walk with me but the previous issues of pacing were immediately apparent again.  Kev is too short to be able to walk at my maximum walking pace and so he had to keep running a few steps to catch up again.  In covering distances like these rhythm seems to be essential and so that approach wasn't really sustainable.
About to begin a VERY tough 6 hour speed march
Youghal to Dungarvan was horrendous.  I was taking the longest strides possible and maintaining a strong rhythm in order to keep the speed as high as manageable.  Unfortunately, as with the previous day, an unfamiliar stride simply created new problems and my body gradually caved in.  I've never done a non-stop 25 mile speed march before and won't be rushing to repeat the act.  Ibuprofen had lessened the tendon swelling in my ankle but I had new issues, big blisters forming on the soles of both feet, battered and aching toenails and constant heartburn from an unfamiliar sugar loaded diet. My mental state plunged to new depths, worsened by a road with no discernible interest and nowhere to stop for a mood enhancing hot chocolate.  It was with mixed emotions that I finally spied Dungarvan.  The view along the coastline was spectacular and it was predominantly downhill but by then I was in perpetual agony and getting increasingly concerned about causing long term injuries. The only break in my continual pain was when the blister that was my little toe burst with a shot of searing wetness and briefly provided an alternative focal point.

Kev had dropped back to take a phone call and so the last few km were a solo battle against a growing malaise.  I'd long since decided that Dungarvan would be the end of my day.  Making it that far had become an incredible struggle and the idea of another 30km was preposterous.  By the time I reached the outskirts of the town I had a discernible limp and was a shadow of the athlete I'd felt just 34 hours earlier.  Nagging at the back of my mind was a sense of failure and also a sense of letting Kev down but I knew I'd be a hindrance if I continued and instead found other ways to be useful. Having raided the supermarket for Kev's chosen dinner I jumped into a taxi and asked to be taken to Dawn B+B.  I explained that it was nearly twenty miles away so was a bit surprised when the driver stopped after about four minutes.  Having to re-explain myself about fifteen more times and then do all the navigation myself would've been comic if I wasn't so utterly f***ed and the meter wasn't spinning round at breakneck speed.

At the B+B I was able to assess the damage.  Both feet had sizeable blisters in the centre, the nails on both big toes were already blackening and my right little toe was swollen, misshapen, weeping heavily and the nail was totally black.  The tendonitis in my left ankle was back with a vengeance leaving me hobbling and the long strides had caused my right knee to start hyperextending worryingly.  I lay on the bed and contemplated the previous two days.  It had been an audacious plan to run 150 miles in three days, made all the more so by the fact that I'd never even run a marathon distance before.  Looking at it in black and white reveals my utter naivety.  Kev has been building up to these mileages over years of mountain marathons, ultras and the small matter of 24,000km run over near consecutive days during the last year and a half, and even he was suffering heavily.  As much as I'm proud of my bullish self belief, it does sometimes set me up for a fall.  I managed to stay awake long enough to see Kev in, discuss the day and let him know I wouldn't be able to attempt the third day with him.  He wasn't overly surprised!
Found the most appropriate roadside junk outside Dungarvan
I made my way back North the next morning, my enjoyment of the journey tempered by a nagging sense of failure.  Part of me was kidding myself that I'd rejoin Kev following a hectic weekend of coaching work but deep down I knew the fear of killing my racing season before it started would hold me back.  Remarkably my legs felt fresh enough but for a few days I experienced a heavy general fatigue and the injuries continued to hamper me.  I was delighted that in my absence Kev managed to meet up with Irish world runner Tony Mangan as well as having a few other unexpected running buddies and when I picked him up in Newry on the Monday night he was clearly in good spirits.  A good feed and an all too brief chat and Kev was off to sleep again.  Even the normality of conversation with an old mate is too much of a luxury when it limits the body's fundamental need for rest.
A starstruck Rowan got up at 5am to meet Kev
I'd been worried and intrigued for a while about Kev's future plans once the run is over and I quizzed him the next morning as we drove back to Newry.  My biggest concern was that he may not have any plans and would be left with the very real likelihood of some kind of post traumatic stress issues.  He slightly allayed my fears with talk of returning to personal training, writing a book (which I can't wait to read) and other potential challenges involving running ridiculous distances.  His final comment was extremely telling though and revealed how much he's simply surviving from day to day because even thinking a week ahead is so overwhelming.  Far from craving fame, fortune, recognition or material wealth, Kev craves a time when he can start moving without having to press a button on his watch.  The smallest of desires for a man who deserves the utmost respect.
Find the EXACT spot, press the GPS button, start running, repeat.
I wrote these blogs both to promote Kev's monumental achievements and also to highlight the reasons behind his run.  His website states that he 'aims to provide a very real demonstration that an ill mind is in no way a weak mind' and that 'there is no shame in mental illness and it needn't hold you back'.  Kevin's mental strength is astounding.  Witnessing first hand the stresses that he's put on his body and mind and come through successfully is humbling.  Dealing with fear, exhaustion, the unknown and a physical battering on that scale takes degrees of belief and mind management that most of us will never get near to achieving and hopefully most of us will never have to.  Everyone experiences difficulties in their lives and for many of us evolution hasn't blessed our brains with the ability to cope yet.  You WILL know someone suffering mental health issues right now, that is an undeniable fact.  You may not have noticed because you're too busy with your own life or more likely because they're very adept at hiding the symptoms.  There's no doubt that the stigma is lifting and people are becoming more receptive to the fact that mental illness is as tangible and real as all other illnesses.  I truly hope that Kev gets the plaudits he deserves and this incredible journey of his buys him a larger platform to keep sending this valuable message.

I was overwhelmed by the response to my first blog.  From personal messages of thanks from close friends to handshakes and comments from virtual strangers.  Many people called it brave but to me sharing my experiences for my own therapeutic reasons as well as the potential to help others was just another step on a road that hopefully leads to the end of my anxiety issues.  If you find yourself stressed, anxious, unable to think or breathe properly, light headed, tight chested, suffering continual stomach complaints.  If you find the world occasionally goes dimmer, there is no enjoyment in life, nothing to look forward to and an unseen weight is on your shoulders.  If you get manic episodes, times when you're too inspired, too buzzed up to sleep with no kind of chemical assistance.  If you've experienced any of these things at any time then you may have a mental illness.  Don't panic, just seek help and talk about it.  From then on, things truly will start to improve.

Follow Kev's progress as he tears down through England to hopefully finish back at Haytor on Dartmoor inside the record on April 9th.

Please donate to Sane, a mental health charity that Kev is representing so well.  The self-supported nature of his challenge has left Kev unable to really promote his achievements so far, limiting his fundraising potential.  Give a little cash and please share this blog on your social media, his achievements deserve to be raising millions, not hundreds.

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Mind Games – Strength in Sickness

This will probably be the only genuinely important blog I ever write!  As much as I love sharing my largely pointless efforts to bust myself in the outdoors in a semi self-aggrandising and semi-therapeutic way, it’s all really just for fun.  This one actually matters.

My old school mate Kevin Carr is running around the World, in fact he’s nearly finished!  He’s given a great recent account here (  He’s a really interesting character.  I knew him from school and riding bikes way back in the mid 90’s but then lost track of him for over a decade.  We met again at a mutual friends’ wedding and he filled me in on life in-between.  He’d recently become the first (and only) ever person to run from Lands End to John O’Groats unsupported and entirely off-road.  Averaging over 30 miles a day for 40 days he took a winding and convoluted route through some of Britain’s most beautiful and mountainous terrain, avoiding asphalt and sleeping in fields and ditches.  He was meant to have a support crew but when that fell apart at the 11th hour he just packed some more kit and went for it.

Naturally I was intrigued to know what was next for Kev and he had some ‘interesting’ ideas of how to push himself physically and mentally through his limits again.  We stayed in touch and so I came to learn of his ground breaking attempt to become the first person in history to run around the World entirely unsupported.  It seemed like a logical step for a man so used to pushing his personal limits.  Obviously physically running that distance is an immense challenge but choosing to do it with no support structure around him has made it infinitely harder.  When he got hit by a car in Perth and the buggy full of kit that he pushes was damaged he sorted it.  When he was struck ill in Belarus and left with 90 non-stop miles of running through a blizzard to reach the border before his visa expired he dug in and got there.  When he was temporarily blinded in India by tiny bits of slate hitting his retinas he dealt with the pain and fear until his sight returned.  He has run an ultramarathon virtually every day for over 18 months through every condition imaginable.  No time to form relationships, no time to stop and recover, no time to feel sorry for himself, no support crews or liaison officers to send him fresh kit and smooth his way through the myriad of bureaucracy he faces.  In short he is a hardman, physically and more importantly mentally. 

Kevin has also lived with a lifetime of depression and mental illness.

He won’t mind me telling you this, in fact, he’d actively encourage it because part of the point of his run has been to help break down the myths surrounding sickness of the mind, remove the stigma and prove with resounding finality that depression is not a mental weakness.  Finding this out about Kev really heightened my interest in his challenge as, along with a love of running and physical adversity it’s something we both have in common.

I too have suffered from a mental illness since about the age of 18.  It’s been a combination of anxiety disorder, depression and bipolar all mixed up in a complex and interrelated set of causes and symptoms.  I don’t mind sharing this with you either because I’ve confronted the issues myself and come out much better with the support of some brilliant people.  What I would like to do is share a bit of my story in the hope that it might help someone else realise that they too should seek some assistance and improve their own life exponentially.

Life is good, chasing dreams!
First let’s dispel some myths.

I have a great life.  I have an incredible, caring, loving wife.  I have two funny, affectionate, intelligent kids.  I was brought up in a loving family in a beautiful part of the world.  I like most aspects of my job and absolutely love some parts of it.  I live in a nice house in the mountains, have no real money worries, buy all the shiny bikes and kit that I need (and plenty I don’t need).  I get to go on some great holidays, chase some dreams and follow my interests and ambitions.  I have no real interest in or longing for further material wealth.  In short, there's no reason why I should ever be unhappy.

And I haven’t been unhappy.  I’ve been ill.

I’ve had various symptoms, real physical symptoms, often mild but sometimes serious.  Low periods don’t involve feeling a bit grumpy or down, it’s like a physical weight on my shoulders to the extent that I can actually feel it coming for a couple of days in advance.  During the following unspecified period the things that usually make life so good don’t seem to matter.  It’s not a feeling of sadness, or grief, or anger, worse than that, it’s a total nothingness.  Love, happiness, laughter, music, nature, biking, running, mountains, all these things that are inherently so life enhancing for me under normal circumstances do nothing to raise me from that dulling of my senses.

I’ve also had many periods of crushing stomach pains, vomiting, curled up on the floor unable to stand up types of pains.  These have been recurrent from my early twenties but again, it’s only recently that I’ve realised that every one of them was linked.  Intense physical symptoms of a mental illness caused by anxiety.

There’s a flip side to the downs, for short stretches in the past I’ve experienced incredible natural highs that made me a completely unstoppable force, achieving amazing feats with limitless energy.  They felt great but were ruined by my knowledge that they invariably preceded deep lows.  I don’t really experience these any more, the extreme ends of the scale have disappeared.

If I hadn’t eventually sought some professional help I’d still be unaware that all these factors are so interlinked.  With some gentle prompting I finally arranged some counselling and took a big step towards getting my mind in order.  That was really daunting, finally admitting to myself that all wasn’t perfect inside my head even if all is good outside it.  I couldn’t imagine how the session would go, would it be like a TV psychiatrist, me lying on a couch and them listening and nodding as I babbled on?  I really couldn’t envisage me being able to talk for more than five minutes, let alone an hour!  And yet I did.  It felt a bit self-indulgent at first, I felt like a fraud.  Why should I be here wasting this lady’s time when I have all I could wish for in life?  But I talked, and talked and it just flowed out and it was incredible how an hour seemed to last just a couple of minutes.  I learned to self-analyse, to recognise the triggers, early warning signs that the illness was coming on and began to develop coping strategies to sidestep the lows.  And it’s made a huge difference.  I feel so much more in control and relieved that I now understand something that has challenged me for much of my adult life.

You may well know many people who are silently going through exactly the same things I’m describing.  I’m sure I do.  Maybe they aren’t aware of it or like most people who suffer from depression they are extremely adept at hiding it.  We hide it because we’re ashamed, embarrassed, don’t want to be a burden to those we love and because we don’t want to be seen as weak.

Weakness, mentally weak, unable to cope with life, that’s what I was starting to think of myself.  And yet I’m definitely no failure.  I choose tasks and complete them, see them through with a dogged level of determination.  I wanted to work as a bike tutor and coach and now I write the courses for the National Governing Body.  I took up running in the mountains three years ago, started racing and was representing internationally within two years.  I’m fit, healthy and live very well but still I suffered a mental illness.

Depression is sometimes called ‘the curse of the strong’.  Think about that for a second.  People who are prone to depression are often the ones who bottle emotions up, take the world on their shoulders, internalise, hold it all together so that others around them can be expressive and let go.  My biggest crime in terms of personal attributes is simply that I’m a perfectionist in an imperfect world.  Things that most people wouldn’t even notice cause me to wince internally and that pressure builds up as a physical knot in my stomach until the full blown anxiety hits me, followed by the lows as my head goes offline for a bit to recover.  It’s a really useful trait for many purposes in life and accounts for many of my successes.  Having an overactive attention to detail has also definitely helped my approach to delivering courses and coaching individuals but it has its very definite drawbacks too.

Anyway, enough about me, back to Kevin Carr.

If someone possessing his superhuman powers of physical ability and mental fortitude still can’t control whatever it is that causes the darkness of depression then whoever you are, you should never feel weak because you can’t too.  Kev has attempted to end his life in the past.  I’m one of many people who’s delighted that on that occasion he was a failure.

I’m excited to be joining Kev for some of Irish leg of his World Run.  He’s running from Shannon airport to Belfast City airport starting on March 13th.  Hopefully his attempt to break the round the world speed record will still be on so we should have some long, 50ish mile days to do.  For him this’ll be just another week at the office, a bit nippy after South America but with a better pint at the end.  For me it’ll be five or so back to back days of running double the distance I’ve ever run in a day before.  I don’t run marathons, they simply don’t interest me and so doing a double marathon every day for five days will undoubtedly hurt, a lot!  I’m not going to train my body for this because I want the power and drive to come from my mind.  In a miniscule way I want to experience the emotions that have become Kev’s life.  And like Kev does, I want to prove that I have an extreme mental strength and not a mental weakness.

We’re going to get freezing cold, wet and run through darkness which in a masochistic way I know I’ll enjoy.  It would however be a shame not to have some genuine good come of my efforts and so I’m going to try to tap up you lovely people for cash!  Kev has been running for ‘Sane’, the mental health charity and I’d love to donate as much as possible to them too.

Follow this link (, donate a couple of quid and you never know, you may be indirectly helping a neighbour, friend, family member or even yourself.

You can follow Kev’s progress on his site  There’s a live tracker so you can see where we are on what night if you want to donate a Guinness and a foot massage!

Lifeline – 0808 808 8000
Hard Way Round -

Saturday, 7 March 2015

Congratulations Paul - Aspirant Guide!

After a challenging week of winter conditions Paul has passed his British Mountain Guides, Winter Test!

A big step towards his ambition of becoming a IFMGA Guide. WELL DONE

Sunday, 22 February 2015

Rather you than me mate...

When I was younger and newer to this whole outdoor game it was seemingly the done thing to be into everything.  Paddling horrendously polluted rivers in a playboat, awesome!  Scottish Winter hot aches, love it!  Scared shitless and freezing on a dark Alpine face, bring it on!  As I've matured (?!) I've realised that actually there's a huge variation in what's happening in 'the Outdoors' and in reality some of it I've little interest in doing.  Likewise, there are clearly massive differences in personality type, motivation and levels of devotion required for different activities.   Walking in the Mournes and then going for a coffee is a lot less involved than new routing on a secluded crag but I'm sure it's no less satisfying to the people that love their chosen activities.

For me, I've had extended periods of being obsessed with mountaineering, climbing and fell running with mountain biking being the constant love that still lasts after over 25 years.  Getting out running or on the bike is so second nature now that I often find myself in the forests or mountains before I'm really conscious of what I've chosen to do that day.  The thing is, my favourite pastimes invariably involve physical pain, suffering, getting cold and wet, occasional broken bones and lots of cleaning, maintenance and expenditure.  So the often asked question is why the hell do we do these things?

We've all heard the ultimate answer to this question, 'because it's there' supposedly provided by George Mallory when probed on why he wanted to scale Everest by a New York Times journalist.  It's a great answer, sufficiently reasoned for those of us who understand and suitably vague and infuriating to those who don't.

However much I appreciate that quote it is a bit grandiose when considering why it is that I, and my friends and peers do the things we do day to day.  I feel priveleged to be in contact with many inspirational people who are regularly pushing their limits, experiencing life despite discomfort and danger and yet I'm still not sure many people appreciate the reason why they pursue these goals.

We live in a world seemingly ever more removed from genuine experience where the rush to share (boast) via social networks often seems to be the actual goal of the activity in the first place (and the irony of me blogging about it isn't lost on me).  I'm not sure whether this is a new phenomenon.  The 'outdoors' seems to have always been full of blaggers, wannabes and bullshitters.  They just used to hang out in the pub/outdoor centre/shop telling anyone who'd listen about their latest supposed adventures.  The internet has given these folk the chance to instantly share their 'achievements' with infinitely more people and soak up the plaudits for their 'extremeness' from their Facebook friends.  These aren't the people I'm talking about because the answer to the question 'why' for them is simple.  They want recognition and they want to purvey a certain image and that's their prerogative.

I love looking through old pics to remind myself why!
The ones I really want to ask 'why?' are a little harder to track down largely because they're out there doing the very thing they love.  They to me are the true heroes but why the hell do they do these things?

Having thought about it a bit I've realised that I've already answered my question, it's because they love doing these things.  So I guess the correct question to ask is not why they do it but why do they love it?

Yesterday myself and big Seamy ran up the frozen face of Slieve Donard and over to Slieve Commedagh getting cut in half by a howling and freezing gale, crawling on hands and feet in places.  Seamus managed to leave his leg bruised and bloodied when the top layer of a frozen bog gave way and the ice sliced and smashed his leg, not that he noticed in temperatures that must have been around minus 15 with the wind chill.  I couldn't feel my face at all coming off the Commedagh summit and I wished I couldn't when the feeling returned and the burning began!  And did I enjoy it?  Yes absolutely.  I enjoyed it at the time and I really enjoyed it retrospectively.  Why do I love it?  The exercise, the fitness, the challenge, the camaraderie, the views, the fresh air etc etc.  I guess if I asked my mates why they love what they do I'd get a similar list.  Does that activity appeal to many people?  No it definitely doesn't.  I tend to get a 'fair play but rather you than me mate' response and that's from 'outdoorsy' people not to mention the 'normal' public out there.  Each to their own and many prefer a trip to the gym, an afternoon in the pub or even open boating!

Everyone's Everest is different and I guess I did run up Donard because it's there.  It would've been a lot harder running up there if it wasn't!

Keep chasing your Everests folks! 

Friday, 9 January 2015

The annoyance of mortality!

I'm not sure what age I was when it dawned on me that I wouldn't live forever.  Certainly now that I'm closer to forty than thirty it seems to be much closer to the forefront of my mind than ever before.  I remember years of smashing myself up on bikes, breaking numerous bones and simply being gutted that I'd be off the bike for a while.  Last year, when I damaged thumb ligaments and realised that I'd be out for a few months, for the first time I thought in terms of the likely percentage of my remaining lifespan that I'd be off the bike because of that injury.

Want to run the mountains more!
Now that's admittedly a pretty morbid way of thinking and I'd admit to being a chronic over analyser of life in general but I can't deny that increasingly my lifestyle behaviours are being considered but luckily so far not dictated by my new found awareness.  The good thing is that as I've just mentioned I'm not doing less as a result of a fear of getting damaged, in fact I'm a bit of an anomaly in terms of getting ballsier as I get older.  I'm certainly happier now hitting bigger gaps and drops than I ever was as a kid and the fear of getting hurt is definitely not more prevalent now than when I was younger.

So how is my new found appreciation of death affecting me?  Well, I just want to do so much in life that I'm starting to worry about cramming it all in.  Even worse, so many of the things that inspire me require me to be fit and healthy so I feel an overwhelming obligation to keep myself in good nick.  Even worse again is the fact that every year, more and more events, holiday destinations and ambitions appear, making my (hopefully) long term bucket list grow exponentially.

Take 2015 as an example.  My plan for this year was to race some Gravity Enduros and do a couple of the more prominent Irish fell races.  It's now the 9th Jan and already this is what my plans have expanded to;

- Run the three remaining Ulster XC races (my club have finally pressured me into trying to help them win the title).
- Join my mate Kev for the Irish leg of his round the world run ( and run from Shannon to Belfast.
- Do several Irish fell races including the longer NIMRA's, Slieve Donard and a couple of selected Hill and Dales.
- Qualify for the NI squad again for the Snowdon International Mountain Race.
- Run for NI at the Masters World Champs or Ireland at the World Champs.
- Do some Gravity Enduros.
- Do some First Tracks NI Enduros .
- 3 weeks with my family and friends at Lake Garda.
- At least two other family holidays.

I want to bike more!
 So before the year has really got going my diary is already getting packed.  Add to this the fact that much of my coaching and qualifications work is weekend based as well as wanting to see my wee family as much as possible and already it looks like something has to give.

I still haven't decided what to drop yet but the decision certainly isn't helped by my awareness that every year I'm a year older and sometime fairly soon I'll start to get a bit slower!
And holiday with the family more!

The great thing about all this though is that if you flip it on its head, this First World problem is actually just a world of endless possibilities.  Isn't it great to be living in a time when all these brilliant events are getting laid on, all these destinations are getting awakened to the possibilities of outdoor sports and we're able to consider that as long as we look after ourselves well then we can realistically hope to continue enjoying them way into our 80's and beyond.  Lifetime can't be unlimited but life itself doesn't need to be limited if we find the right balances.

I think I prefer that way of looking at it!

With that in mind I've just seen this
I wonder if a few weeks in Canada will appear in my 2016 diary?!!